pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
