Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
