just come out here and I will go home with you...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
