my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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