6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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