i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
