i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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