just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
