the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
