I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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