I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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