Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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