are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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