So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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