I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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