you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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