I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize