I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
