you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
