You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
