He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
