you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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