we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
