Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
