She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
