i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
