OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
