Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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