Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
