how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
