My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
