well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
