Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
