Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
