I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
