It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize