Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
