Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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