i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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