I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
