They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
