elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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