I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i came on her dog
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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