Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
