so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
