Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
