Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize