I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
