I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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