No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
