i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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