Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
