I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
