Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
