You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
