even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
