I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
