in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
