Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
