I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
