The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
