Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
