i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
