I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
