Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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