How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
