Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
