whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
