I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
