ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
