I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
