i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
